Cambria Bold
Cambria Bold
Cambria Bold is the Executive Editor of Cubby, and one of Apartment Therapy Media’s first full-time editors from way back when. She was The Kitchn's founding Design and Lifestyle Editor as well as Managing Editor of Re-Nest, Apartment Therapy’s late '00s green living site. She now thinks a lot about design, kids, and designy kids' things. She lives with her two daughters and their father in St. Paul, MN.
Kelly Kuehn
Kelly Kuehn
Kelly Kuehn is a freelance lifestyle writer who has written about pets, holidays, decor, music, and more. Her work has appeared online for brands including Reader's Digest, Taste of Home, and Grunge. When she's not writing, you can find her listening to a true crime podcast (or two), carefully curating rock playlists, finding new recipes, and exploring the Finger Lakes area of New York with her dog, Ryker.
updated Jun 4, 2024
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There’s an unspoken understanding that takes place the moment you accept an invitation to someone’s house for dinner: Your host agrees to make you feel awesome, while you, the guest, prepare for a great evening by agreeing to be pleasant and appreciative. That process includes brushing up on your table manners, maybe reviewing some conversation starters, and, most importantly, learning what not to do once you cross that threshold.
Dinner parties are great for reconnecting with friends and making new ones, but they also set the stage for some possible faux pas, especially if you aren’t used to attending them. Don’t worry — the experts are here to help keep your “wonderful dinner guest” title intact. Avoid these 12 blunders at all costs if you want to score an invite to the next dinner party.
1. Forget to RSVP
RSVPing to a dinner party is essential, as it helps your host plan the event. Forgetting to RSVP — or RSVPing at the last minute — can throw a not-so-fun wrench into things. RSVP “Yes,” “No,” or even “Maybe” as soon as you can to give your host some peace of mind. “If you’re unsure about your availability, it’s better to communicate that to your host rather than leaving them hanging,” Mia Anderson, a wedding expert and founder of Chicsew.com, says.
2. Show up with a guest without asking your host
You may think an impromptu plus-one is no biggie, but your host may feel a different way… especially if they set the table for 10 people but now have a party of 11. Don’t assume it’s okay to bring an unannounced guest, especially if the guest and host have never met. If you aren’t sure that more is merrier, simply ask your host (well) in advance to avoid an awkward situation.
3. Arrive super late (or early)
Let’s be real — unless your host is a super host who prepped everything days in advance and spends the last hour before the guests arrive killing time with a make-ahead batch co*cktail, most hosts appreciate a little wiggle room to finish setting the table, straightening up the living room, or changing clothes.
Arriving 15-20 minutes late to the dinner party gives your host that grace period, but anything after that toes the inconsiderate line; your host has to decide whether to wait for you or go ahead and start the evening.
Another important time tip: Don’t arrive early! It can be stressful when guests show up before the host is ready for them.
4. Stay too late
Sometimes, the party (and the food) is so good that you don’t want the night to end. It’s natural to want the good times to keep going, but remember: Other people have schedules to keep. “A good rule of thumb is to gauge the mood of the party and gracefully make your exit when you sense it’s winding down,” Anderson says. Don’t wait for your host to drop hints or start packing up leftovers; say your goodbyes in a timely fashion to make an elegant exit.
5. Show up empty-handed
Carissa Kruse, a wedding planner who has coordinated hundreds of weddings and parties in the last decade, says many people may show up empty-handed at dinner parties, assuming the host has everything under control. This is an etiquette no-no, as showing up without something could come off as rude, she says.
Instead of showing up with nothing, bring a small but thoughtful gift for the host to show your appreciation. Kruse recommends bringing something small like a bottle of wine (if your host drinks), a bouquet, or a homemade dessert — any one of these easy desserts would do the trick!
6. Forget to toast your host
Whether or not your host makes a toast when everyone sits down at the table, you should follow with a toast of your own. Simple, short, and heartfelt is best — thank them for their friendship, for inviting you into their home, and for taking the time to make the delicious food you’re about to eat. Don’t forget to keep an eye on their glass and refresh when needed!
7. Be on your phone (seriously)
Other than some special situations — like your babysitter just texted or you’re having a table-wide discussion on the year Back to the Future came out, and someone needs to set the record straight — this rule should be followed to a T. Don’t text people under the table, check Facebook, or scroll through your email. Your host put a lot of effort into the event, so show your gratitude by being present and limiting the digital distractions. If you do need to send a text or make a call, excuse yourself from the gathering for a moment.
8. Constantly check your watch
The same philosophy for the phone applies to the watch, too. “Repeatedly looking at your watch can make your host feel like you are not enjoying their company or food,” Kruse explains. A good strategy for keeping time while staying present is to check your watch during moments when you excuse yourself, like when you head to the bathroom or step outside for some air.
9. Double dip
Going back for seconds is understandable — but this is so not the way to do it. Even if the party dip is off-the-charts, never double dip. “This can be seen as unhygienic and disrespectful to other guests,” Kruse says. If it’s love at first bite, get your own plate and serve yourself some delicious dip or appetizers.
10. Touch food from shared plates
Germs. Need I say more? If your host is serving light bites or mini desserts, they’re likely on shared plates for easy access. Kruse recommends using serving utensils, if provided, to put food on your own plate. If serving utensils aren’t available, scan the plate, pick out the snacks you want, and reach in carefully to avoid touching food you won’t eat.
11. Make controversial conversation
People have a right to their opinions, but there are times and places to state them… and a dinner party is definitely not the place to share your hottest takes. “Engaging in heated debates or discussing sensitive topics like politics, religion, or personal finances can quickly sour the atmosphere of a dinner party,” Anderson says. Remember that a dinner party is supposed to be fun, so keep the conversation light.
12. Forget the Big 3: enthusiasm, curiosity, and gratitude.
Jenny Rosenstrach, author of Dinner: A Love Story (and blog of the same name), cites “enthusiasm, curiosity, and gratitude” as one crucial way to be a good dinner guest — and that’s exactly right. Those three characteristics are the key to being a most welcome presence at any table! Don’t forget to be enthusiastic about the evening and food; be curious about your host, their home, your fellow guests; and be thankful for everything.
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etiquette
