The best Quotes from Paradise PD (2024)

I'll never forget my first arrest. He was a litterbug. This photo captures the exact moment when 50,000 volts turned his spine into dust. He doesn't litter anymore because he can't hold things.

Gina Jabowski - Season 1 Episode 1

The only thing doing any real work around here is Dusty's insulin pump.

Randall Crawford - Season 1 Episode 1

Randall: "Alright Kevin, pull your pants down!"
Kevin: "Dad, why?"
Randall: "We're gonna rub our dicks together and make a fire."
Kevin: "Dad, you rub sticks together!"
Randall: "Oh. Well, I guess I was molested as a child then."

Randall Crawford

Fitz: "Where's the bomb-defusing robot?"
Randall: "Too expensive. We just go under a bridge, deputize a hobo, and send him in there."

Randall Crawford - Season 1 Episode 1

Randall: "I thought you said he was a doctor?"
Dinkle: "Dentists are doctors!"
Randall: "Yeah, and birds are books. What a loser."

Randall Crawford - Season 1 Episode 1

Dusty: "Well, hey and good day to you, Stanley."
Stanley: "You can see me even though I'm a ghost? Wait, are you a medium?"
Dusty: "No, I'm a 32 XXXXXXXL, but ain't you the sweetest?"

Dusty Marlow - Season 1 Episode 7

You are so clever. I'm going to give you one slice of expired bologna for 10 percent of your company.

Dusty Marlow

Kevin: "I failed you, dad. I should hand in my badge - and my crossing guard uniform."
Randall: "Kevin. Why the hell would I want those!?"

Randall Crawford - Season 1 Episode 2

Randall: "Do you know how much damage you did to that video store?"
Kevin: "Nine dollars?"
Randall: "Eleven."

Randall Crawford - Season 1 Episode 1

It's just my mama's recipe and I used some unbleached flour hidden in the pantry.

Dusty Marlow - Season 1 Episode 4

You know whenever a brick crashes through the window, it reminds me of my mama.

Dusty Marlow

Our next item up for bid is a delicious and nutritious product from the commissary called Cup O' Noodles.

Dusty Marlow - Season 1 Episode 5

Peralta: "I'm just gonna grab a healthy breakfast."
Holt: "Are those gummybears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?"
Peralta: "Breakfast-Burrito... but, yeah."
Holt: "I pity your dentist."
Peralta: "Joke's on you, I don't have a dentist!"

Jacob Peralta in Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 1 Episode 15

Charlie Brown: "We only live once, Snoopy."
Snoopy: "Wrong! We only die once. We live every day!"

Snoopy in The Peanuts

Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

Darkwing Duck in Darkwing Duck - Season 1 Episode 1

If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy Alexa.

Rick Sanchez in Rick and Morty - Season 6 Episode10

I love life. Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like... it makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

Butters Stotch in South Park - Season 7 Episode 14

What did you do, comb your hair with an eggbeater?

Stella in Winx Club - Season 1 Episode 9

Averell: "I love exotic food! What do you call this delicious crust around the frijoles?"
Espuelas: "It's called a terracotta bowl, amigo."

Quagmire: "You got to help me. I'm looking for a little boy with red overalls and a yellow shirt."
French Man: "You are looking to buy or to rent?"
Quagmire: "What? No! God! How is Paris considered a classy city?"
French Man: "The buildings are beautiful, the people are trash."

Glenn Quagmire in Family Guy

In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.

General Iroh in Avatar: The Last Airbender

Patrick: "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"
Squidward Tentacles: "No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. Yes, Patr... No, horseradish is not an instrument either!"

Patrick Star in SpongeBob SquarePants

Whoa, this is big. I really need some time to drink about this.

Princess Bean in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 4

I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast!

BoJack in BoJack Horseman

Pinky, you give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "counter-intelligence". You have the I.Q. of plaster.

Brain in Pinky and the Brain

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season8 Episode 18