As a former Philadelphian, I hear more than a fair share of hate against my beloved Cheez Whiz. "Ugh, the stuff they put on cheesesteaks?" people gasp. "Gross! Cheese from a can?"
But I refuse to be ashamed of my love and respect for this processed cheese product. Even though I'm also a cheese nerd who can talk for hours about the virtues of Bayley Hazen Blue, I can still appreciate the virtues of Cheez Whiz. Because Cheez Whiz is not just an inferior substitute for honest melted cheese. It's not a convenient stand-in for homemade cheese sauce. Like other food products created through American ingenuity, Cheez Whiz is its own special snowflake, and I'm here, unashamed, to tell you why.
It doesn't come in an aerosol can
Cheez Whiz is often confused with Easy Cheese, the processed cheese spread you spray out of a can. Sure, both types of processed cheese product probably have the same gang of industrial ingredients. But when Cheez Whiz is heated, it transforms into a rich, umami-packed topping for steak sandwiches, burgers, French fries, and nachos. By contrast, Easy Cheese is cheese at the push of a button, and that's just too, well, easy.
If you're a fan of pimento cheese, then you'll probably like Cheez Whiz
If you like the taste of that Southern favorite, pimento cheese, you might find yourself enjoying Cheez Whiz, too. Sure, pimento cheese is far more flavorful, but Cheez Whiz has a similar, well-seasoned cheddar cheese essence. One caveat: While pimento cheese is ideal as a room-temperature spread, Whiz can only reach its pinnacle when melted into a silky sauce. So definitely don't spread it on bread.
Even when it solidifies, it has a purpose
When melted and poured over hot French fries per Philadelphia tradition, Cheez Whiz is a far more satisfying topping than melted mozzarella (and much easier to love than cheese curds and gravy). And as it cools, it forms a shellac-like coating that makes it much easier to grab a bunch of fries instead of just one. Yes. Cheez Whiz will help you consume more French fries. If that's something you've been having a problem with.
Cheez Whiz will make kids eat vegetables
As a kid, my sister was notoriously finicky. But almost every day, she'd carry the jar of Cheez Whiz from the fridge to the microwave, heating it up to use as a dipping sauce for steamed broccoli. Without anyone telling her to. Other things Cheez Whiz will help you eat more of: Macaroni and cheese (just stir a dollop into your cheese sauce before adding the pasta); shepherd's pie (fold a few spoonfuls into the mashed-potato topping); warm cheese dip (be sure to bake the dip after mixing in the Whiz).
It's better than Swiss on a cheesesteak, darnit
If you're going to indulge in a cheesesteak, do it right. Order it "Whiz wit" and enjoy it topped with Cheez Whiz and fried onions. Only a silky, neon-orange cheese sauce can complement the beefy brawn of this sandwich. If you try to swap in Swiss cheese instead, you may just ruin your chances of becoming the leader of the free world.