AITA for not allowing my kids around “family” because of their problems? - Hot Topics | Forums

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seagold3

Going to try to keep this short… *edit* nvm it’s long lol

My half sister (same mom) I’ve never really been close with because she’s about 15 years older than me and never lived with us growing up. In recent years she now lives close to us (me/my mom), she has 3 kids of her own (all older, the youngest is in high school now), and she threw me both my baby showers. She’s always buying my kids gifts, showing up for their parties, etc.

However, she is a huge alcoholic. Like every single time we see her she is black out drunk doing/saying embarrassing weird stuff. She grew up “country” and not to stereotype my country folks(!!) but she does cuss non stop, claims to not care what anyone thinks of her, has no filter, and just talks about gross weird things that is so off putting. I’m the complete opposite of that and I guess would consider myself more “classy” but again I hate to even use stereotypes or phrases like that I just don’t know how else to explain it sorry.

A couple months ago we got into an argument because she kept posting pictures of my kids on Facebook and when I asked her not to for privacy/safety reasons she took it so personally and ended up deleting me, my mom, and my SO off Facebook. She posts wildly inappropriate things on Facebook (my SO’s mom is still friends with her and will send us screenshots sometimes of the stuff she posts) and guys… it’s like talking about ✂️✂️ with her friends while she’s married, buying things at s*x shops, and other stuff I don’t even feel comfortable sharing. She’s never said anything like super weird or bad to my kids ever but does talk to them in a weird way idk how to explain it?

Then her daughter (my niece) has always been superrrr nice to me/my kids. However recently she was in a mental hospital for going into a drug induced psychosis, it was discovered she was texting/ hanging out with men twice her age, and thankfully she’s better now but like…

Anyways, they invited me, my kids, my mom, and my aunt to go eat for mother’s day/my birthday this weekend and I can’t decide what to do. Every time I tell my mom I don’t want my kids around her/to be around her my mom blows up and says “that’s your family” and makes me feel terrible for not wanting to so I end up going. But at the same time I truly just don’t want my kids exposed to that kind of lifestyle/behavior. Also my SO said he strongly doesn’t think we should go but will respect my decision if I do decide to. (He works that day so he can’t go anyways)

What would you do??

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j226smith

I wouldn’t want this sort of influence around my kids. Maybe that makes me snobby or judgmental etc but I don’t really

Care . You didn’t grow up together , it seems you have no real relationship with this person so now - that’s not really your family. For simplicity sake I’d just say half sister is a raging alcoholic and you aren’t exposing your Kids to that or her other crass behavior.

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ijustcantthinkofa*goodsn

I would definitely not go for Mother’s Day & your birthday - celebrations that are supposed to be about you. Maybe I’d go for your mom if it was a Mother’s Day thing about her though. Does she speak like that in front of your kids? Lots of swearing and inappropriate behavior? If so, I would cut ties. If she’s able to hold it together around your kids but this is just something you see in adult only environments I’d still have some contact, but little.

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GigEmAggies

@GreenJollyGiant,

same. Other stuff is weird but not cut off material in my book.

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SunflowerMazes-sheherhers

Your SO's mom sends you screen shots of her Facebook page for you all to clutch pearls at together over? Why?

Anyway, I'd skip brunch and create far more space there.

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rinseandrepeat

Yea no, I would definitely not go. And you are not the A. I have an aunt who is a terrible alcoholic, gets embarrassing and nasty the more drunk she gets, I have never liked her but my dad unfortunately lives with her so I would tolerate her. Until I was pregnant with my first and then I just couldn’t do it anymore and cut contact. Definitely not anyone I want my kids around, and of course they can’t visit my dad at their house either. I would also be forced to visit this woman when I was growing up and it just boggles my mind that my mom had me go over there.

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LadyAtreides

how old is your niece?

i would go alone, not to all of it but to some. and keep a close eye on my niece.

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lovethatjourneyforyou

I would keep my kids away. My oldest sister is 13 years older than me, has a different dad also. We were raised in the same house though, but due to the age difference she was in married and pregnant by the time I was 10. So not super close. Anyway, her first husband was violent. He abused her and her kids. Every single holiday gathering resulted in them having a blow up fight, and it was always scary. Her kids all struggled with the trauma they grew up with. One of her son’s has been inpatient for meth induced psychosis and had to be involuntarily committed. The police had to be called last Easter due to him having a meltdown and forcing his way inside. So needless to say when I got pregnant, I decided I wasn’t taking my kids around that mess. My mom tried bringing that whole “it’s family” crap to me and I said I don’t care. Look at how much her four kids struggled from being raised in that. I had nightmares about her first husband. My kids won’t experience that. My mom tried claiming that they wouldn’t be physically hurt by it, and I said I don’t care. They would experience fear and that fear is traumatic. I know that because I lived it. My kids deserve better. So I would stick to your guns and not attend. Your kids deserve better too. Yes, she is family, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a responsibility to protect your kids from trauma and bad influences.

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BabyMPC

@lovethatjourneyforyou,

I’m sorry you had to go through that, you deserved better, and this is exactly why boundaries need to implemented when we have children. You can try to explain a situation to a child but you can’t take away the experience once it’s happened.

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lovethatjourneyforyou

@BabyMPC,

exactly and my kids have no idea her first husband ever existed and they were never around my nephew during any of those incidents. We have stayed away. I’d rather us have small nuclear family holidays than have kids who are scared because of something that happened.

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