Do Narcissists Cry—And If So, Is It Legit? (2024)

If you know someone living with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or suspect someone in your life has NPD, you may be wondering if their tears are genuine when you catch them crying.

The thing is, there is no one way a person living with NPD will act. However, researchers and medical professionals have determined certain overarching characteristics of how NPD impacts emotional expression.

So, here’s what you need to know about how narcissists express their emotions, cry, and show guilt or remorse—and whether or not it's legit.

Can a Narcissist Cry?

Narcissists get upset about things like anyone else and, sometimes, cry because of it. Mary Ann Little, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of "Childhood Narcissism: Strategies to Raise Unselfish, Unentitled, and Empathetic Children" adds that they can be “extremely sensitive to emotional blows of any sort. Whether [it's] criticism, loss, or disappointment, a narcissist is more easily upset and less able to get over an insult.”

Like anyone, people living with NPD feel and express their emotions differently. There is no blanket statement for how often they cry simply because they have this disorder, but the mere presence of it certainly doesn’t stop them from doing so.

What Emotions Can Narcissists Show?

Narcissists have emotions, the same as everyone else. “There is a common misconception that narcissists don’t feel,” says Dr. Little. “Many speculate that they do not experience ‘feelings’ as healthy people do because their inflated egos somehow protect them from negative feelings. This is not true.”

They can feel jealous, insecure, embarrassed, frustrated, happy, and many more emotions. What brings on each emotion might sometimes differ from that of someone not living with NPD.

Narcissists Are Unlikely to Feel Empathy for Others

As discussed above, though, narcissists are unlikely to experience empathy, limiting their ability to understand what other people are going through, says Angela Ficken, a psychotherapist with a Boston-based private practice.

If a Narcissist Cries, Are They Real Tears?

For most people, the tears start flowing if often it’s because they’re upset or sad about something. But we’ve all seen the scenes where a character starts crying to get their way, and the second they do, the tears immediately stop, and they smirk with glee.

When a narcissist cries, it might be real, spontaneous tears or a calculated decision to influence those around them. “Their emotional expressions are frequently strategic and may serve specific purposes,” says Ficken. “Sometimes, crying may be genuine, representing emotional distress or frustration.”

What Makes a Narcissist Cry?

A narcissist might cry for many reasons. Some are authentic, and others may be attempts to change a situation that isn’t playing out to their liking.

According to Ficken and Dr. Little, here are some of the reasons a narcissist may cry:

• Manipulation: A narcissist might cry in hopes of manipulating another person into feeling sympathy for or entering back into a relationship with them. It might also be to garner attention from other people.
• Self-pity: Narcissists might cry to feel wronged instead of taking responsibility for their actions. In this case, crying can deflect blame and present a conflicting narrative of what happened.
• Image management: This motivation, of sorts, for crying has two sides. In one respect, a narcissist might cry because their image has been—in their mind—threatened, such as if a co-worker was promoted instead of them. To them, this might make them feel like a failure and not the superior, special person they want to be. Alternatively, they might cry specifically to maintain their image. Crying can make a person seem more vulnerable and accessible, two things that might distract from their other narcissistic characteristics.
• Emotional regulation: Sometimes a narcissist cries simply because they are upset, just like everyone else. This negative emotion might stem from things not going their way, rejection, or not meeting their own expectations for themselves.

Do Narcissists Ever Feel Guilt or Remorse?

Typically, a person who lives with narcissistic personality disorder doesn’t experience much or any guilt or remorse.

“Even those with narcissistic personality disorder can, in some cases, feel some level of empathy and ultimately regret certain behaviors,” says Dr. Harold Hong, a board-certified psychiatrist at New Waters Recovery. “Like many psychological disorders, there is a spectrum of narcissism—some people experience it more severely than others. Generally speaking, those at higher levels of narcissism may have difficulty feeling guilt or remorse over their actions.”

A 2018 study found a negative association between “grandiose” narcissism and being prone to guilt. The same was true for “vulnerable” narcissism. Researchers theorized that this had to do with a lack of empathy, as guilt typically appears when a person has done something that violates their moral compass. Furthermore, prior research found a positive correlation between a person’s capacity for guilt and empathy.

Let's say one day a narcissistic person is rude to their gym buddy, and that person stops wanting to spend time with them. Instead of feeling guilty for hurting the other person, they might experience guilt for acting in a way that deprived them of a spotter.Ficken adds: “They may feel shame when they fail to meet their grandiose standards or when their perceived flawlessness is threatened.”