Why do so many narcissists lie so brazenly?
Narcissists want to compensate for their low self-esteem by exaggerated self-portrayals. Their urge for attention and admiration is very strong and out of control. They, therefore, invent stories to make themselves look great. There can be only one. To make themselves look even better, they devalue other people, make them look bad. Where there is no fault to be found, they stage it. To achieve their goals, they have no restraint when it comes to lying. They seem to believe their lies, even not to consider them as such. What is this all about?
Attention
Attention: This article is not about the diagnosis of pathological narcissists, but about avoiding nasty people and not being exploited. For simplification, I call people with clearly narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists in this article.
Only own interests count
Narcissists consider other people as objects – as a means to an end – and feel entitled to exploit them. Lies enable narcissists to present a false image of themselves to potential victims. Whether professionally, in business, privately; those who take the bait usually realize too late what the consequences are. The net quickly tightens.
Narcissists know what to do to make their victims lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They get involved in the relationship without realizing the danger that lurks. Once the targets are taken in, narcissists continue to cleverly weave lies with a dash of truth to ensure that their targets continue to play by their rules.
Gaslighting
Narcissists also lie by withholding and selecting information. They lie as a form of gaslighting to extend their control over targets by making them constantly question and doubt themselves. They often frequently claim that they value and even love their targets. In doing so, they have little to no inhibitions.
Lack of ability or willingness to empathize
Narcissists lie effortlessly and are very convincing because they lack normal human emotions or inhibitions. They are insensitive and bored, lack the willingness to show empathy for others, and feel neither shame nor remorse. This coldness of feeling also allows them to lie with minimal inhibitions.
Narcissists can look people straight in the eye while shamelessly lying to them. In doing so, they do not make a face, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deceptions. It is normal for them to deny lies, make excuses, and project their behavior onto others. Empathy is a means to an end, otherwise just dead weight.
They arouse pity
Narcissists also lie to make others feel sorry for them. They are out to abuse others. They exploit the natural desire of many people to help their fellow man. Furthermore, they use deception, sometimes a spark of truth, to create a plethora of fabricated problems. Common attempts at manipulation include faked illnesses and injuries, car accidents, and thefts. More often, they suffer at the hands of supposedly mean and even crazy people, such as ex-partners, former victims. The others are always responsible. In this way, they want to gain advantages and distract from their mean behavior.
Pathological chronic lying
Narcissists can be very cunning, sly, and resourceful in inventing lies. They are manipulative, deceitful, and unscrupulous to alienate their victims and influence observers. They start by lying about themselves, then move on to lying about their ex, their career, and their accomplishments. They lie about their feelings for you to quickly win you over and keep you loyal. Chances are that lies about you will then follow once you see through the game and want to leave.
Attempts to clarify
When asked about lies, further lies are to be expected from narcissists. Hindsight is unlikely, and they often fight exposure with all their might.
So what?
The sooner you recognize the deceitful game, the better. Find out how to recognize narcissists and how to protect yourself. Stay mindful.
