Dear Abby: I have a cake recipe that I have perfected through time.
I get compliments on it and requests for the recipe every time I take one to any nonfamily gathering.
People often ask me to make these cakes for them for special occasions. I always tell them that I will need to charge them for it because the ingredients are expensive. No one has a problem with paying me.
I love to cook, and it gives me pleasure to see people enjoy something I have prepared. Because I use my recipe as another source of income -- albeit a small
one -- what can I say to those people who demand that they must have the recipe?
I usually evade the question by ignoring them -- which I know is rude -- but I don't know how to tell them "no" without seeming offensive and snobbish. Please help.
-- Frustrated Cook
Dear Frustrated: Saying no nicely shouldn't be difficult if you say it with a smile.
One way would be to say, "I'm sorry; I don't share this recipe, because it's a way I can earn extra money." That's not rude; it's the truth.
Another smiling response might be "Coca-Cola isn't giving away its recipe, and neither am I."
Dear Abby: I go to church with a woman who is generous and means well, but she likes to give away her old hand-me-down clothing.
Recently, she gave me two old dresses that fit me, but I wouldn't be caught dead in them. I'm 15, and she doesn't understand that.
I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so when she asked whether they fit and whether I liked them, I told her they did and they were pretty.
My mom is planning to donate the dresses to charity. But now the woman is saying she wants to give me more of her old dresses. I don't know how to handle this.
-- Secondhand Teen
Dear Secondhand: Your neighbor is both kindhearted and generous.
She also seems to be into recycling, which is a good thing.
Before you turn your nose up at what she is offering, please consider that vintage clothing can be valuable. Some of it is "classic" and can be worn regardless of the current fad.
Members of the Hollywood crowd and fashionable New York society know this. I often see their photos in magazines wearing some of the marvelous items they have collected.
If your neighbor's dresses are really not your style, however, then you should be honest and graciously tell your neighbor that they're not for you.
Dear Abby: After you have made your selection at a restaurant, what should you do with the menu?
Do you place it closed directly in front of you or hanging halfway off the table?
-- Confused in Denver
Dear Confused: If the server has not yet taken my order, I close the menu and place it beside me on the table. (The closed menu signals to the server that I have made my choice.)
After my order is taken,
I hand the menu to the server.
Write Dear Abby at Universal Press Syndicate, in care of The Columbus Dispatch, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069; for a reply, enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or visit www.DearAbby.com.